Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Songs that inspired the author
while she wrote FATHOM:
Temper Trap — "Sweet Disposition"
Matthew Perryman Jones — "Echoes of Eden"
Gary Jules — "Mad World"
Muse — "Exogenesis: Symphony, Pt 3: Redemption"
RaRa Avis — "In My Dreams"
Coldplay — "Fix You"
Matt Kearney — "Breathe In Breathe Out"
Plumb — "Always"
Leeland — "Opposite Way"
Amy McDonald — "This is the Life"
EBOOKS
Buy from Crossroad Press
PHYSICAL BOOKS
Buy from Amazon.com
Buy from Barnes & Noble
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Since being blessed with becoming the ruler over all the merpeople, Morgan James has moved to New York with her fiance, Thayde, to begin her studies at university. But her plans to resume a normal life are put on hold when overpowering thoughts start to take control of her and a terrible disease called The Shadow slowly begins to jeopardize Thayde's life. Faced with overwhelming odds, will Morgan, who has suddenly been thrust into both the leader and protector of her species, collapse under her own insecurities or rise above the challenges that threaten her, producing consequences she never could have imagined? Plunge into FATHOM - the sequel in The FINS Trilogy.
Praise for FATHOM:
"FATHOM is a refreshingly delicate story shimmering with hope and light. Knight's second novel is filled with daring actions and consequences that left me catching my breath. You'll be on the edge of your seat with this one!"
~ Michelle Davidson Argylle, author of Cinders
"FATHOM, the second book of The FINS Trilogy, is a must read for the young adult who loves well-developed characters who find a way to triumph, even in the most desperate situations. Fathom addresses many issues that young adults face; heartbreak, self-doubt, despair, love, loyalty, and the quest for a higher power to guide their lives. Mrs. Knight addresses these issues with grace and compassion through the eyes of her main character."
~ Beth Sorensen, author of Crush at Thomas Hall
"FATHOM is a beautiful story of love and magic. It's enchanting in the way of a dream that won't let go of you when you wake up. Ashley Knight has a gift, and we're lucky that she's chosen to share it with us. I can't recommend this book enough for readers of all ages. We need to remember there is magic in the world."
~ Steven Savile, renown UK writer of SILVER
"I think I can count on one hand how many books I've read where the sequel is better than the first. FATHOM is an amazing continuance and I look forward to the next time I get to visit the world Ashley Knight has created. She truly is one of the masters of her craft."
~ Misty Rayburn, www.the-top-shelf.com
"FATHOM puts a darker, edgier twist in Ashley Knight's mermaid "tails" that began with the magical FINS. Dive into the second book of The FINS Trilogy and experience the magic and wonder that first began with FINS and is taken up a gigantic notch with FATHOM!"
~ Garett Powell, www.merbooksblog.blogspot.com
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1.
New York
The blistering heat from the sun's rays made my skin tighten like leather stretched over a drum. I could do nothing but stare at Thayde's lifeless body as the waves that lapped the beach jostled his arms at his sides. The part of his tail still underwater had already started to crisp. Gathering his upper body in my arms, I stared down at his beautiful face before burying my head in his neck. A mournful scream escaped my throat.
"There's nothing you could have done to prevent this." The voice chimed making the hair on the back of my neck rise. "He made his choice."
I pressed my face into Thayde's cold neck. He still had that wonderful smell that made me dizzy when I breathed him in. I was never going to have this again. Fear and helplessness racked me to my very soul and my arms automatically tightened around him.
"We must leave." The voice instructed.
"No." The fierceness in my voice surprised me.
"They are on their way,"
"I said no!" I shouted. I looked up but the beach was deserted. A lone hermit crab was braving the mountains of sand I'd created from moving Thayde.
"Thayde," I looked back to my love laying heavily in my arms. "I can't do all this alone."
Something tickled my leg. The crab was attempting to climb over it to get to Thayde. Holding the creature between my thumb and forefinger, I flung him into the sea.
"Baby," I choked, but there was no use; he wasn't coming back. He'd been dead for an hour. There was nothing more to do but give him back to the sea.
Setting him gently on the sand, I unfastened the necklace I'd given him from around his neck and held it tightly in my left hand. I placed my right hand on his chest and took one last long look at my soul mate, trying to ingrain every inch of his face into my memory.
"Goodbye, my love," I whispered, closing my eyes. Reaching forward, I kissed his forehead, instantly hearing the bubbles. My eyes shut tight as I felt them begin to form all over his body.
"Morgan,"
That was Thayde's voice and I screamed, reaching out to stop him from leaving. But the bubbles had encased him completely and he vanished before my eyes.
"Thayde!"
"Morgan!"
"No! Please!" Horror gripped me. What had I done?
"Morgan, wake up baby!"
A dream? This was a dream?
"Open your eyes."
It couldn't be a dream - it was too real.
"Open your eyes," His deep voice repeated and I obeyed, peering through my tears into Thayde's worried face. I flew into his embrace.
"You had another nightmare," he said as he rocked me back and forth. "It's okay."
Sobs racked my body, not allowing me to speak. Thayde said nothing more - he just held me in his strong arms and stroked my hair while I cried it out. My dreams were so real I couldn't separate them from when I was awake anymore. The nightmares had been plaguing my nights ever since The Blessing and they came so often that at times, I didn't want to go to sleep. I missed having peaceful dreams.
Thayde's steady heartbeat calmed me and the tears subsided. This was my fourth nightmare this week and I was sure Thayde was getting sick of being woken up in the middle of the night.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled into his chest.
"Baby, there's nothing to be sorry about."
"I woke you up again."
"No, I was already up."
Most likely, that wasn't true, but I wasn't going to argue with him. Thayde always won any argument we had and I was far too tired to disagree. My eyelids felt as if lead weights were attached to them, pulling them closed.
"Stay with me?" I muttered, slipping back into blackness.
"Always."
Dear Diary,
Here I am, eighteen and the ruler of the merpeople. How do I handle all this? I told the last leader, Troen, I wasn't up to it. He seemed to think differently. I'm not ready, but here I am, suddenly thrust into a sort of celebrity I didn't ask for. Mostpeople my age would think "It'd be cool! I'd do anything I wanted!" but that thought alone would prove they weren't ready either.
Don't get me wrong - my life isn't all doom and gloom, but things have changed drastically. It's been a year since I visited sunny Florida to see my mom. My dad's been dead a whole year. I've been a mermaid for a whole year. I've had new powers ever since Troen performed The Blessing and I've been having problems ever since.
My dreams are too real to be considered just dreams. I have been having this nagging feeling that Thayde is going to die and there's nothing I can do about it. The worst of it is that I don't feel like I have any control over my feelings or actions. It's not too bad, yet. But how much worse can it get? To live with the feeling that you don't have any control is terrifying.
Thayde's adopted family, the Dartmoths, have disappeared. No one knows what Troen did with them. I think about them a lot and wonder what happened. Maybe he banished them, or turned them into slugs. He could have killed them for all I know, but there's this nagging feeling that they're not finished with me and it's turning me into a nervous wreck.
After Thayde proposed, my world changed. I graduated high school and was accepted to Columbia University - the same university Thayde attended. We moved to Manhattan three months ago.
New York's been a huge eye opener. Though the university offers traditional student housing, we've been living in Thayde's apartment. That's been interesting and could be a story unto itself. For one, Mom and Tammer insisted on visiting right away and made us swear to stay 'pure' until we were officially married. So we sleep in separate bedrooms and not very well. Can you imagine how hard it is not to run into his bedroom in the middle of the night and rip his clothes off his beautiful body? There have been a few times that we've fallen asleep in each other's arms and we figure as long as we don't do anything too bad, we're okay.
Thayde was quick to show me around his neighborhood and it didn't take me long to realize this city is definitely one for the wealthy. I didn't even want to ask how much his apartment cost to buy. There are cafes and bookstores everywhere and we've visited many of them. Of course, we've seen all the places that tourists go when visiting New York - the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, Rockefeller Center, and the American Museum of Natural History. All in all, New York is a vast city you either love or hate. Downtown Manhattan is not my favorite place. For one, forget the fact that it's dirty and crowded - the buildings are so tall they block the sun! However, the restaurants are amazing and diverse. You can get a good Indian curry and a meaty pierogi on the same street corner.
As far as being able to buy anything, New York is fabulous, but it's also extremely expensive. I'm still not used to the fact that Tammer is so rich. Anything I need, I have and it's all thanks to him. People don't exactly live this way in Stanley, Idaho. Sometimes New York makes me want to run back to my roots - to go home to Idaho and be surrounded by the quiet of the mountains. I think I'll need a vacation soon.
I paused, distracted by the sun's rays as they warmed the side of my face. They formed a golden column through my window onto my queen sized bed. The giant windows in Thayde's penthouse apartment had an impressive view of the skyline. Many nights already, we'd stood arm in arm, mesmerized by the lights of the massive city. Thayde was completely comfortable here and he should be. This would be his fourth year attending Columbia. I, on the other hand, was just beginning.
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair, getting it caught in the tangled mess. I'd been up for twenty minutes and though I'd pulled on some clothes and brushed my teeth, the urge to write had hit me and that was the furthest I'd got.
I looked about the contemporary styled room and shook my head. It was a far cry from my parents, one-of-a-kind luxury mansion in Vero Beach, Florida. This place was in some serious need of decorating. Thayde was not known for his decorating sense and neither was I. I had a feeling I was going to have to relent and call my talented interior decorator Mom.
"Babe?" Thayde's voice called from the hallway.
"I'm in here," I answered, closing my diary and leaning over the pillows to plop it on the nightstand. When I looked up, he was standing in the doorway, balancing a glass of orange juice and a flower on a tray on one hand.
"Thayde!" I patted the bed beside me. "You didn't have to do that!"
"I know," He eased the tray onto the nightstand and picked up the flower. "I wanted too." Half dressed, he wore a bluebuttoned dress shirt and pajama bottoms. When he bent forward to give me a hug, I could feel the muscles in his warm back tighten as he embraced me.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Sure!" It wasn't a lie. I was okay, but I wasn't great. I wanted to know why our kind referred to becoming The Link as The Blessing. There wasn't anything blessed about it. So far it had been a huge burden but I didn't share it with Thayde and I certainly didn't tell him anything about the nightmares.
He pulled away from me, holding the flower to my nose. I'd always loved Oriental Lilies. The smell was intoxicating and I closed my eyes. If I could just focus on the exquisite smell of the flower, I knew I'd be able to rid my mind of seeing Thayde dead.
"Do you know how lovely you are to me?" he asked and my hand immediately flew to my bed head.
He laughed and sat next to me. "Yes, even with the bird's nest."
I giggled. He placed the lily next to my glass of orange juice and sat back, looking at me with his dark blue eyes.
Did he know how lovely he was to me? Probably not. It was like looking at perfection. His black hair had grown out in the last few months and it fell lazily about, framing his face. I could hardly resist the urge to leap upon him and devour him.
Ever since we had corded, our intense feelings for each other had multiplied. Because cording only happened with merpeople, allowing them to feel what the other was feeling, read each other's minds and finish each other's sentences, it was new to me, and at times, too overwhelming. It meant I experienced my feelings for him as well as his feelings for me. My desires for Thayde were barely containable.
Thayde must have been thinking the same thing because he leaned forward and kissed me, his mouth open and warm. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him to me and we sank into the pillows.
Placing my hands above my head, he ran his hands down my arms and around my back, pulling me upwards towards him. I could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest.
"I love you," he breathed between kisses.
"I love you." I mumbled back. If I could have stayed that way forever, I would. It was pure pleasure being kissed so lovingly by a man who not only confessed his unfailing love, but was all I'd ever wanted.
"Morgan," he whispered, rubbing the side of his face softly against mine.
I knew what we both wanted and I was certainly willing. He was, after all, my fiance. What was frustrating was the most we'd ever done was kiss. I wanted to go further but Thayde was always the one who backed down, reminding me of our pledge to my parents.
As we kissed, I began to fumble with his shirt. Taking my cue, he pulled me forward and we both rose to our knees in the middle of my bed. He slid his hands under my tank top, pulling it over my head. I ended up ripping his shirt when the last two buttons wouldn't undo and he eased out of it.
Kissing my neck, he moved down to my collarbone, gently sliding my bra strap over my shoulder. As he moved to the other side and began to do the same, goose bumps rose on my skin.
"Thayde," I breathed, surprising myself.
He paused long enough to lay me back against the pillows. His kisses trailed my collarbone, over the top of my bra, to mystomach, where his hands caressed my sides. Reaching towards his head, my fingers found his soft black hair and played through it. Goose bumps begin to appear over my entire body and it was then that he laid his head lightly on my stomach.
"Morgan, I want to be with you more than anything," he hesitated, looking away. "But I can't listen to my heart at the moment. I want you to be my wife when we're together."
"You don't want to be with me now?" I asked, slightly hurt, the wheels in my head starting to click. Playing like this was one of the most frustrating things I'd had to deal with and each time was harder than the last.
"Yes!" His intense eyes darted back to mine. "More than you'll ever know. If I could have you now, I would."
"Then have me!" I pulled him towards my face, wrapping my legs around his waist. "I want to be with you!"
He smiled, his eyes full of love, and traced a finger down the bridge of my nose. "Not yet. We can't."
I felt indignant. "Can't? We do this all the time!" Unwrapping my legs, I sat up. "I'm practically naked, Thayde!"
"I know," he dropped his head. "I'm sorry."
"Don't do that!" I pulled his face towards mine. "Don't ever say you're sorry. I want to be with you. Don't you know how much I want this?"
He nodded leaving me feeling a little stupid. Of course he knew. Part of what I was feeling was what he was feeling and vice versa. It was all part of the cording. Maybe that was why I was feeling so hot tempered at the moment; too many emotions from Thayde and me pushed together. It was almost unbearable.
Thayde watched the realization dawn on me and kissed me delicately on the lips. "You know how much I want this too, but we should wait."
I relented. He was right - he was always right. We had to wait until we were married. Fooling around this much shouldn't have happened. It was the 'proper' thing to do. I put my arms around his back and pulled him close to me, his head resting on my shoulder. His fingers trailed my skin just below my collarbone as he made his way to my fallen bra strap, pulling it back over my shoulder. After a few moments of silence, he spoke.
"What did you dream about?"
I didn't want to tell him. If I told him the truth, he'd think it meant something ominous was hovering on the horizon. Sometimes dreams are just dreams, aren't they? Besides, I wouldn't want to hear him tell me that he routinely dreamed of my death. So I lied.
"Not much, just you know," I paused. "About Akin,"
Thayde didn't move. His breathing quickened. "Akin." He flatly repeated. He knew I was lying.
"Yeah,"
Pulling himself away, he looked me directly in the eyes. "What did you dream, Morgan?"
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I hated lying. Whenever I did, I always got caught.
"Morgan," Thayde said promptly, "You're not telling me the truth."
Who did he think he was - my father? Here we were, already living together, acting like a married couple without the benefits. I was already upset with the fact that 'playing' never went anywhere and now he was demanding I tell him what I was thinking. Something in me seemed to snap and I became very angry. He always wanted to know what I was dreaming, what I was thinking, where I was going. What right did he have to demand so much of me? He didn't own me.
"You're not my dad, Thayde." I moved to the other side of the bed, slid off and grabbed my hair tie from the bureau. "Why are you being so demanding?"
Before he could answer me, my thoughts tumbled out of my mouth. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so angry towards him, but I couldn't control myself.
"You're always asking me what I'm thinking, feeling, dreaming - it's like you think you own me! Sometimes I wish you'd just leave me alone."
I could see I'd hurt him. The pain I caused him hit me and I instantly felt awful. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, with his hands in his lap. His hair fell about his beautiful face and I wanted to run to him and beg for forgiveness.
"I'm not trying to be your father, Morgan." His voice was hushed. "I'm just trying to help you." His gaze reached deep into my heart, crushing it.
Frustration, hurt, and impatience filled me. I knew I'd been wrong to lie, but really, I didn't want to tell him anything because I knew he'd think it meant something. These dreams were just my fears. The last thing I wanted was for him to start preparing for something that wasn't going to happen. Since The Judgment, everyone had begun to act as if it was the end of the world if I had a headache or tripped or if I dreamed about something weird. Enough was enough! I had had it.
"Thayde, if I'm The Link, no one can help me, can they? I'm supposed to figure all this out on my own. You're not going to be able to do anything and neither is anyone else. All of you have got to let up. Mom jumps sky high if I sneeze and Tammer's always reading my mind for signs. I can't take it anymore and the way you've been acting lately, it's as if you think you need to control me or something."
He shook his head and I held up my hand to stop him. "I can't take this anymore, and I certainly can't ask you to do this either."
"Do what?"
Stop, stop, stop! Part of me was screaming at myself to shut up. The other part wanted to put an end to everything."Put your life on hold, trying to protect me. You've got a really bright future ahead of you and I'd only hold you back. I can't stand that everyone's on hiatus and I hate being controlled. Trying to control me or my life is not the answer."
Thayde stared at me with those big blue eyes. "You think I want to control you?"
I didn't answer. Instead, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and stood with my hands on my hips. The anger in me wasn't backing down.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I don't know if moving in together was the best thing." The instant I said it, I regretted it.
"You don't mean that." His voice cracked.
"I do. I just think we're moving too fast. Maybe we need to stop and think about being apart for a while. Maybe we shouldn't be together."
As he stood, the sheet fell from around his waist, cascading to the floor and lay crumpled about his feet.
"You want us to be apart?"
No! I wanted to scream and fling myself over the edge of the building. What was going on with me? I had no control! But I answered before I could stop myself.
"I think so, maybe we were a mistake."
A breath escaped his mouth, as if he'd been punched in the gut. He nodded and reached for his shirt. The pained look on his face brought tears to my eyes.
"Thayde," I began.
"No, Morgan," he held up his hand this time. "Please don't say any more." With that, he walked out of my room.
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2.
Problems
Two days passed and Thayde had not returned. The Chinese food I'd ordered the night of our fight lay uneaten and smelly on the dining room table. After
Thayde left, I justified my actions to myself, insisting he'd overreacted. After a day of playing the scene over and over in my head, I realized it was I who had gone too far. The guilt wracked me to the core.
Why was I suddenly thinking these strange thoughts? Why was I being so cruel to the man I loved? This was not what I wanted - it wasn't me. But it was me; I had said it and I had hurt him. My body was at war with itself. It was as if the old me was slowly being replaced with a new, cruel and angry person. It left me feeling alone and out of control; something I'd never experienced. For once in my life, I was terrified of being on my own.
I didn't leave the apartment for fear I'd miss Thayde if he returned. Despite the number of times I attempted to reach him on his cell, it went directly to voicemail. By the second day, I'd given up calling. I also realized I hadn't eaten but when I tried, I immediately threw it up. After, I curled up in the corner of my room with my cell phone, praying he'd call and say he was all right.
With each minute that passed, I grew more and more anxious until I felt I was going to explode with worry and fear. The only person who could comfort me was Thayde and I knew if I didn't get hold of him, something bad was going to happen.
My shaking fingers were barely able to dial his cell number. When it went to voice mail again, I tried to leave a message, but my voice would not work. It was as if my body wanted to shut down.
The scratchy carpet irritated my side but I ignored it as I laid there, staring blankly ahead of me, while images and thoughts of what could have happened to him filled my mind.What if he had been hit by a car and was in the hospital? What if he had been mugged? What if he had a friend that was a girl that he was visiting? I couldn't bear the thought. It was then I heard a voice - a voice I didn't recognize.
"You should pick yourself up and take a shower."
I couldn't find the energy to lift my head and look at the person who had spoken.
"I'm not going anywhere." I croaked.
"He's not coming back."
I didn't answer. He'd be back sometime and when he did, I'd be here.
"Call your parents and go back home. You can't do anything."
"Leave me alone." I curled tighter into a ball.
I don't know how long I was asleep, but when I woke, the apartment was dark. I didn't try to move. I didn't want to do anything but lay there. My heart was a rock and I could hardly find the will to breathe. He said he'd be with me always and now he was gone. And it was all because of me.
"He lied to you." The voice was viperous.
"No."
"Yes, they always do. Women are a convenience for men."
"No!" I couldn't believe that.
A faint dripping sound caught my attention and I struggled to look around. A droplet of water fell on my nose and when I looked upwards, I had to blink several times to make sure what I was looking at was real. Dark green swirls of water began to curl about the ceiling in a beautiful dance. It was as if I were suspended upside down over a stormy ocean. The waves began to undulate violently, reaching towards me. Slowly, the water began to fill the room, falling closer and closer.
Frozen in both horror and awe, hundreds of emotions ripped through me. My mind was saturated with memories of the past and those of the future. Reaching with one hand toward the water, I felt myself smile. Why would I smile? This was unnatural. Maybe it was because I hadn't been in the ocean for a few months. The water teased me, dancing just beyond my reach.
Suddenly, my brain overloaded like a water balloon stretched to the max, and I started to convulse. My eyes rolled back in my head and my arms fiercely beat the floor. Pain. The muscles in my legs seemed to be tearing themselves away from the bone and as fire swept my whole body, I couldn't find the strength to scream. I found relief when the cool waves above me touched my skin. It wasn't until I was fully immersed that the pain and fear disappeared.
When I opened my eyes, I found myself suspended halfway above my bed. The entire room was completely filled with sea water and when I looked down, I had phased into my golden tail. Swimming to the giant windows, I looked out at the city lights sparkling against the black backdrop of the night. Normally, it would have been beautiful but instead, I felt confined and claustrophobic.
Making my way to the bedroom door, I grasped the handle and pulled. Nothing happened. When I tried again and the door did not open, I began to panic. I wasn't going to get out of the room.
"Help!" I screamed in desperation and began to swim around the room, clawing at the walls and pounding on the windows. When nothing worked, I stopped in the middle of the room, absolutely helpless, confined, and out of control. Throwing my head back, I screamed. It was unlike any scream I'd ever heard - it was at a pitch that only dolphins or whales make, and a second later, the windows shattered.
Blackness, silence - it was comforting now. I used to hate it. I preferred to dream. With all that was going on in my life, blackness and silence were easy to deal with. Silence is golden they say. How right they were.
"How long's she been like this?"
"Several days."
"Can you be more exact?"
"Two and a half."
"Does she have a history of passing out?"
"No."
"Does epilepsy run in her family?"
"No."
"Why did you wait so long to bring her in?"
"I thought I could take care of her."
"You should have immediately called 911."
"I know."
I recognized Thayde's voice but the other was not familiar. The beep of machines told me I was in a hospital. Now that my comfortable blackness and silence was no more, I stayed quiet and listened.
"Is she taking any drugs?"
"No!" Thayde sounded annoyed.
"Are you absolutely sure?"
"Yes."
"We'll have to test her anyway."
Test me? I struggled to open my eyes, but nothing happened.
"Do what you have to do." Thayde's voice was dull. When the door closed, I assumed the doctor had left the room.
I had to fix this, now. I did what I'd been taught - to focus my energy. The golden orb instantly appeared and I held it to me, forcing it to grow bigger and bigger until I was able to do a sweep of my body to try and wake myself up.
"Ah!" Thayde cried out and jumped back. For a brief moment, I caught sight of the gold encompassing me when I opened my eyes.
"Thayde?" I called, struggling to sit. My body ached and my hands felt as if I'd crawled through wood.
"Thayde?" He was leaning against the wall, holding his hand. Why wasn't he moving towards me?
"Hello Morgan," he said.
"Did I hurt you?"
He nodded, remaining rooted to the floor.
"I'm sorry!" I reached for him but he didn't move. "Thayde, what's wrong?"
His beautiful eyes dropped to his feet. "I'll leave you now that you're awake. I just wanted to get you to someone who could take better care of you."
I shook my head. "No! I don't want you to go!"
When he still didn't move, I felt his coldness towards me grip my heart.
"You said you didn't want us to be together." His voice had an edge to it.
"No, Thayde!" Panic was setting in. The love of my life was shutting down, leaving me. I couldn't live without him. "I can't live without you."
There were tears in his eyes when they met mine. "You said we were a mistake."
I had hurt him - deeply. I hadn't meant to. Hurting him was the last thing on my mind. I loved him. What was happening to me?
"Please come here." I reached my hand to him and he hesitated before moving to the edge of my bed. Taking his hand in mine, I searched for burns.
Thayde's voice seemed resigned. "There aren't any burns. You electrocuted me."
"I'm so sorry." I held his hand to my face. "Something's wrong with me, Thayde. Ever since The Blessing, I've begun to think the most awful things. I've started experiencing powers I can't control and I'm scared."
For a brief moment, confusion played about his face.
"I've been dreaming of your death. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd think it was a sign or something. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."
"Hurt me?"
"Yes, like you were hurt when you went through The Judgment, like you were hurt in the battle that happened. If something happened to you Thayde, I don't think I could endure it."
He pursed his lips as if holding back pain.
"Thayde, it's like I have someone else living in my body - someone who makes me say things I don't want to say - things I don't believe and I can't control it. I promise you, nothing I said to you was what I truly believe or want. I love you."
I was starting to choke up and wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
"Morgan, I don't know what to say."
"Say you won't leave me." I pressed his hand to my chest, terrified that he was going to let go of me.
"This isn't supposed to happen." His voice faltered and he cleared his throat. "Once a couple cords, it isn't supposed to be like this."
"Like what?" I asked, afraid of his answer. He pulled his hand away.
"It isn't supposed to hurt like this. I don't think I can handle going through this again."
"Thayde, I'm so sorry I hurt you. If I could apologize a hundred times, I would. Please believe me!"
"You were right. Maybe I put too much pressure on you to be with me because we corded."
"No!"
"Maybe I'd been waiting for you for so long that I'd built up too much of an expectation."
"No!"
He nodded and looked at his feet again. "We aren't right for each other."
I had lost him. His words were like an axe's final blow. My body began shutting down. Frantic, my heart began to beat wildly as I started to hyperventilate. A loud ringing began in my ears. I looked to Thayde, his face filled with alarm and quickly he began to fade to blackness. I was gone before I hit the pillow.
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